I don't know why I'm finding writing so hard lately, when I know that it is the form of expression I feel most close to. Or maybe that is changing too?
The last year or two has been a whirlwind of shedding old versions of me. And with that comes changes in my creative expression. I am finding that the way we create is often tied to what we find identity in. And when that completely falls away, or changes, or no longer fits, sometimes it feels like youre standing in an empty room, with so much possibility, you just don't know where to begin, and that becomes your stumbling block. So this is me beginning, even when it feels like I don't have it all figured out.
Maybe I should give myself more credit, because logically, it does make sense.
In tenth grade I got my first (and only) dslr camera. (now the iphone is fancy enough to be a camera) This was around the time Instagram was taking off in the photography community. I quickly fell in love with artsy photos, setting a scene, picking a theme and a message, and trying to create the most dynamic photos I could given my environment. I was often the subject in my own photos, but generally speaking, nature was the star of the show. My dream job at the time was to be a national geographic photographer. What a wonderful combination of two of my passions: nature and photography!
Throughout the years I also experimented with poetry. I discovered that some expressions are capable of saying a lot more, while saying the least, compared to others, and some just don't work right for what you are trying to express. Poetry was one of those mediums. I was able to express feelings and experiences in a way that couldn't be expressed "correctly" otherwise.
And then came college. I majored in journalism, and then art, then digital media design, then art again and finally landed on integrated studies which allowed me to graduate with multiple areas of study. My dream to become a professional photographer kind of dwindled away, my poetry practice was intermittent, and I didn't have a clue what the path ahead looked like for me. At this point, it seemed many people my age at least had some type of blueprint.
Here I am 8 years post grad and I still don't know what I'm doing. All I could do was take it day by day, follow my instincts and remain authentic to my creative expression.
Over the years I've dabbled in a variety of art mediums, most of them mainly hobby focused: painting, crocheting, digital art, illustration, blogging, poetry, photography, videography, embroidery, jewelry making, journaling and music production.
I've pursued a few "professionally": having my own Etsy store for jewelry, publishing a few books, trying to build a brand through content creation, etc. But I either lost the passion, it was put on the back burner, it didn't "work out", or simply, things changed.
I would still love to pursue art professionally, it's just going to look different now. Over the last few years of shedding old versions of myself, I've learned more about my priorities, what matters most to me, and the importance of intention. I have slowed down in life, which kind of made all of those realizations possible. One of my priorities is to continue pursuing life that way: being present, noticing the simple things I find beauty in, not rushing through tasks or through a day, embracing life for everything it has to offer, not just anticipating what's on the calendar... and I've kind of left a huge aspect out to this story up to this point. My experience with autoimmune and chronic illness. It definitely has impacted my perspective on life, my approach to my day to day, what I find important, and it has shaped the person I am. More on that another day, but it's definitely a huge factor in all of this, even who I am as an artist.
Over the last few years I've dabbled in content creation on different platforms and I feel like I'm finally finding my groove on what feels authentic. I've stepped away from short form content creation as of now, which I'm kind of missing in a way (photography and capturing specific moments in short form video). I've also stepped away from traditional vlogging and I rather string together a series of moments I find beauty in to create a video diary. This definitely reflects me wanting to move away from the overstimulating environment that social media has become nowadays, and to embrace that slow living aspect in my own creative expression and how I show up online as well. I just have to find a new home for my photography. And I think it might just be here.
I currently have a YouTube channel for my video diaries and this blog for my writing. I hope it can be a place that I can combine all of my passions: photography, videography and storytelling.
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